My 100 Day Project — Week 14 — The Final Week
- I’m reading In the Hand of Dante by Nick Toches. It’s an exploration of his writing journey and of an artist. At one point he quotes from the Gospel of Thomas, ”If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” I’m still searching for what it is that is within me.
2. Coming to the end of my 100-day projects. What I’ve learned with the other 100-day project, connecting with 100 people to let them know what I’m doing, is that some people just ignore my message, others are neutral, and others have been happy to re-connect. I have learned not to be afraid to reach out and not to take any of it personally no matter the reaction. Both useful lessons.
3. “The purpose of art is to stop time.” Bob Dylan. The concept of art and stillness keeps coming up. As if the way into art is stillness (and I suppose it is at the heart of it.) My challenge is to allow stillness, to embody it. I find I still stay too much in my mind, my thoughts constantly racing. It’s why I wake up and can’t get back to sleep. I have thoughts that won’t let me rest. Sometimes I can overcome them and drift back off but not this morning. It’s 5:43 am and I’ve been up for 40 minutes. Coffee’s ready.
4. I have to confess that around day 90, I was seriously considering giving up on both 100-day projects. I heard myself saying: 90 days is good enough. I am tired of doing this. What else can I say and who else can I reach out to? My brain was telling me to give up. But I am close and I want to see it through and when I put my mind to it, the right frame of mind to it, I find enjoyment and satisfaction in keeping it going.
5. I just listened to a short interview with Michael Franti. He is such a joyful human and he reminds me that I don’t allow enough joy in my life. I tell myself what I ‘have’ to do every day instead of what I want to do, what brings me joy. I want to live with more joy in my life, but I keep holding back. I don’t know if it’s become a habit not to allow joy. It should be a simple thing. Allow myself to experience one moment of joy, however tiny, every day. It’s a start.
6. I had an extraordinary experience yesterday. I was listening to a coaching call and heard these words “the sky is . . .” All of a sudden, a surge of energy filled my upper body. I could feel tears welling in my eyes and the energy kept filling my body. I got up and walked around in confusion. I sat down again and settled into the feeling. I smiled. My body relaxed. The energy was like swirling bubbles of gold. I can only describe what I felt as pure joy. I can’t explain it. My memory of it is strong and I feel grateful for the experience.
7. Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert had a conversation about grief (see it on Youtube.) What an intimate and beautiful conversation. Stephen said something profound: “I realized I was I grateful for the thing that happened that I most wished hadn’t happened. You have to be grateful for all of it. It’s a gift.” He spoke to the gift of compassion and living in the fullness of your humanity. Highly recommended.
8. Hawaii, Utah, Newport Beach, CA. Where to go? We have Marriott Vacation Club points we need to use this year so we’re looking at resorts trying to decide.The pandemic has made travel more complicated and less dependable. You think you have confirmed reservations and you get dropped at literally the last minute (looking at you Thrifty/Priceline.) Travel just isn’t as fun as it used to be.
9. Last Day! Here I am at Day 100. Can’t believe it’s over. What have I learned? Not to take myself or anyone else too seriously. Have fun. Explore. See what happens. I did this project to play, to experiment. Not sure where I will go from here, but I’ll be off on another adventure, for sure. Maybe an exciting new idea will come from my writing class. P.S. Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, Gloria. Still missing you more than ever.
